Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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