Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
