Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
