i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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