I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
