So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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