ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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