Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
