So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
