k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
smell my finger.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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