i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
