This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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