and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize