I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
