I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize