I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
