I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
