so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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