NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
