At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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