Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
