just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
