God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
