I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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