If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
