Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
