Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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