i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
