he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're like the curious george of whores
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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