He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
