Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
