Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
