What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
