Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
