How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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