I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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