You work out of a Hotel?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
