I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
