No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
