just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
