after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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