I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize