They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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