I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
