remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
