so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
