i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize