Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
