it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
