So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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