Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize