The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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