Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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