I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
