I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
