Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
