No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize