Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
