My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
did i just pee glitter
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
