Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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