i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize