Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
