I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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