Screwed.edu
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
