just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
