Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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