Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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